In today’s society it is difficult to tell where there is
safe space for children. In the past, home was always considered the only safe place; however increasing
incidents of child abuse from parents and relatives makes all who work with
children more observant of physical condition and behaviors that might
indicate acute domestic problems. There is also a greater challenge today for parents who send their children to
camps, schools, and churches ; these have traditionally been considered locations where staff and faculty could be counted
on to provide safe space for children, but not necessarily so today. It is almost a common occurrence to turn on
the television or read news stories about horrible accounts of sexual or
physical abuse of a child by a trusted family member ( and most child abuse is
by a family member) or a trusted teacher, counselor, neighbor, pastor,
priest.
It is imperative that we work as parents, primary care givers and youth workers,
to create safe space for the children and teens. As they go off to school and take part in
after-school activities, children and teens are learning to navigate the world,
they tend to be trusting of adults and other children. There is a delicate
balance to be strived for here because we don’t want children to be fearful of
the world to such an extent that it immobilizes them or inhibits their natural
abilities. Yet wisdom demands that we help
our children become better in assessing danger and become more capable of
speaking up for themselves. I make the
following suggestions:
·
Building
Trust and Communication: The first safe place ought to be within the
relationship that parent, guardian, and/or the primary care givers in a child’s
life. Children learn in that first
essential relationship how much they can trust and be trusted in talking about
what happens to them. Children need to
know at an early age what a good touch and a bad touch is. They need to know
that no matter what has happened they can tell the care giver. Predators (especially those known to the
child and family) rely on the fact that they can scare a child into not
revealing what they have done to them.
Children and teens also need to know that no matter what anyone may say, the parent or care giver will do all in his/her power to make sure that they are safe. Child and Teen care givers also must be willing to
take necessary steps to prevent and prosecute those who abuse children.
·
Present Proactive
Parent and Primary Care Givers: Another way to provide safe space is for
Primary Care givers to make themselves known in the places their children
frequent. Meet the teachers, meet the
parents of your child’s friends, attend the local meetings, participate on
committees, and take a role in policy setting, investigate whether background
checks are done. Be present, let your
children know you take part and let them accompany you to some events. Showing that a Parent/Care Giver has
voice communicates a sense of authority and shows children and teens (even if
they are embarrassed) that you have the power of your own voice in impacting
change. The most vulnerable young people are those who have no sense of voice to speak out in a crowd or
meeting. Parents/Care Givers should never take
for granted that a place is always safe—regardless of who leads it.
·
No one is
above suspicion: This next point is very touchy—no one is above question
when it comes to the safety of children and teens.
It is important to keep tabs on what happens when you child is away from you and have conversations with your child
about the activities they are involved in, notice the mood swings, the way your
child behaves when they come from a visit or activity is vital to your ability
to catch signs of abuse. Too often
children and adolescents are abused by relatives, close friends, neighbors whom
one would never suspect. The abuse
persists because children are fearful and the abuser makes them believe that
they can tell no one or if they tell, someone in their family will get
hurt. Find ways to talk with your child about activities and people at an early age so that it becomes a routine as they get older.
·
Helping
our Girls: Girls are especially vulnerable to abuse because
they are often socialized to be nice, to be obedient, and they usually don’t
learn how to fight or defend themselves. I’ll never forget one of the child predators
who appeared on a television show who said that girls were really easy because
no one has ever taught them about the likes of him. They can be lured into a dangerous setting
fairly quickly. I think we should have
self-defense as part of the physical education learning experience for children
in all schools, churches, youth centers and homes. Self Defense communicates to
girls that THEY are not to be ill treated and it sharpens the instinct to run,
yell, and also to tell what happened.
Creating a safe space for children and adolescents is really
about raising and nurturing individuals
whose confidence is developed in a trusting relationship with adults in
the home and adults in other institutions.
The sense of self and learning about the importance of speaking out
encourage awareness, provides lessons in observation and gives hope to young
people that they can work through difficult situations. Finally, creating a safe space means that young people
learn to judge when a person or an area is not safe for them. Key to preventing and stopping abuse is
protection of and vigilance of adults who care enough to teach children, and to fight for their safety.
