When I was a teenager, I heard the phrase “praise sweetens labor.” I often think of this when I am working on a
new project with children and teens.
When a task seems daunting, words of encouragement can help to spur new
energy for the chore.
Just a week ago I was with my nephew who had to put together
a model of The White House. He has a
great mind for figuring and tinkering.
He was able to look at the package of parts, examine the diagram and
picture and put together the basic framework. Then came the detailed smaller
parts; his pace slowed and he put his head in his hands in frustration. I looked at him and said just a few words of
reassurance, allowed him to take a break he came back with enthusiasm and
practically finished the entire project in one setting.
Often when we are doing team building games in our Rites of
Passage program, we reach points of “storming” where the group is falling
apart, they are convinced that they can’t accomplish the task, they start to
argue and want to give up. The leader
gives them a chance to stop, examine their strategy, offers praise for what
they have done thus far, no matter how little, then offers a chance to re-think
the process. When this happens, 95% of
the time there is success.
I know there are other schools of thought on this issue—
teens have to be toughened for the rough road in life, don’t be too soft or
they won’t take you seriously, kids need discipline! These approaches have validity and when used
in combination with praise makes a difference in how an adolescent learns to
view the world. I know teens who don’t
trust themselves to accomplish goals, have no faith in others to help them and
feel just generally that the world is a pretty crappy place. In my view, a lot of this stems from a lack
of encouragement. It doesn’t have to be
big events, big ideas, but the small things that are celebrated along the
way.
Recently I was with a dear friend who has twin toddler girls
who were in the stage of being potty trained.
When one used the potty she clapped hands and praised her; the little one did a happy jig and they celebrated.
I also remembered times when parents of small children hung their
drawings on the wall, gave a hug for something done. And just yesterday I saw
the Ben Carson story and was touched by a mother who spoke words of hope,
confidence to her sons, she expressed trust
in what her children could accomplish even in the midst of dire circumstances
and he became a renowned pediatric neurosurgeon.
I know teens can sometimes be surly, belligerent, coarse and
self-centered and there may be many developmental explanations for their
moodiness and disobedience; however, we need to find ways to celebrate the
small things along the way. This is true
not only for parents but also for the entire community of adults. We need to find ways to speak a positive word to a young
person we don't even know..
I believe that there is genius in every one of some sort or
another, especially teens. They need
affirmation of their effort to help them attempt the next step. This is true for their work at home, school
and in the broader community.
Rev. Dr. Mariah Britton
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